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Works like a charm
When did we stop guarding against disaster and start hoping to attract good fortune? Not me, obviously, I live life in a default BRACE! BRACE! position, hoping that whatever comes next won’t leave...
View ArticleFighting Talk
It’s my birthday tomorrow. I shall be 37, which feels like an odd age to be. No, not ‘old’, I’m not one of those wankers who bleats about feeling ancient because it’s their 23rd birthday (as an...
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Warning shots
We need a word. A word that means ‘that feeling of grim satisfaction when your warnings were ignored and things have gone tits up as you knew they would’. That inward sigh and tut of...
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Head desk
I’ve always had a desk. Always. From the rickety little wooden toy school desk with lift up lid & fake inkwell, to the vast mahogany expanse of my teenage homework years of paper pile ups,...
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Speech Marks
I say I’m a ‘bit obsessed with graffiti’. I may be slightly underselling my feelings there. I’m more than a bit obsessed. I am consumed by it. It started, a these things do innocently enough, with...
View ArticleI'm in your head
This is a truth I hold dear. Some people cannot write. In the same way that I cannot draw, some people cannot write. We can all have a game stab at it, throwing words out there into the world, but...
View ArticleRounded Balls
It’s going to be on my headstone, isn’t it? “Ed Balls, she totally would have”. Despite my best efforts, you lot are a load of filthy smut lovers and that remains my most popular blogpost by a...
View ArticleBrexit means...
Brexit means, according to our omnishambles of a Prime Minister, ‘Brexit’. Very good, well done. But what does it actually entail, in practical terms? So far, it seems to translate into the real...
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Bee Day
I cried the other night. That’s nothing especially out of the ordinary. I cry a lot. But just over a week ago was a bit special. My anniversary of adding yet another burden to an overpopulated...
View ArticleBlack dog on my shoulder again
There's a black dog on my shoulder again. Licking my neck and saying she's my friend. She's not though. She is very definitely not my friend. She is the Megabitch to my Snotface, a...
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The Crucible
'Because it is my name! Because I cannot have another in my life.' I was mooching about at Norwich Cathedral last week, because apparently I don't spend enough time hanging out in freezing...
View ArticleThe point at which we vanish
I've held off writing this for a while, deliberately. Partially because at the time, I didn't have the time to do so. Mostly because I didn't want to piggyback on what was someone else's moment –...
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Time wounds all heals
We went to Horsey Gap to see the seals. Along with pretty much every other person in Norfolk, or so it seemed. Christ, it was mobbed. The slowest part was just inching down the track into the car...
View ArticleIt must be love
The Blondies weren't with me for Christmas. A bit longer than that, really. They left the day before my birthday (which is 22nd December, just in case you'd unaccountably forgotten to add it to...
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Fearless Girl
I think we've covered how much fun I had over the festive period. If this were a film, we would now cut to a montage of me crying, staying in bed, listening to Madness on repeat, having an eight...
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Don't need a reason
If she were here now, she'd tell us to stop being such a puddle of wusses. If she were here now, she'd tell us to rattle our dags and get the hell on with it. If she were here now, she'd deliver...
View ArticleDad
My dad died. At some point I know I will be able to articulate that better. I’m still not really sure how to tell people that Mac isn’t around any longer. He died. Suddenly, horrifically. I’ve been...
View ArticleSTFU
It turns out that the best way to get me to do something is to behave like an arsehole towards me. Last night I was told to ‘shut the fuck up’. I responded by not shutting the fuck up. I replied, at...
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